This last week has been a long one, without a doubt. Much has been said. The feelings have come to light. And I have assimilated it all. I have read many of your responses and thank you for all of them. Some good, some bad, some horrible, etc. It is to be expected. What I wanted to do today was put everything in one place. Because right now, I have an apology to Demi on Twitter (more on that in a moment), an hour-long IG Live that's saved on my IGTV (the last live I did with Ashley Spivey) apologizing for my past writing, and then the first 12 minutes of last week's podcast, addressing Demi's feelings. Everything is a bit confusing. Not everyone follows my three social media accounts, so it's best to put it all here today and it won't go anywhere. There is a lot to cover and things I want to address. If I run out of breath, so be it. I feel like it needs to be said because right now the narrative about me isn't great, let's face it. I'm going to break it down into sections as well so I can try to stay on point with everything. Because there are some issues at stake here and I want people to be able to easily find my answer to each one. Please take the time to read this and I hope you understand me better and understand me better all of this when you are done. Let us begin.
You can listen to today's podcast on various platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
(SPOILERS) I begin by directing folks to my web site immediately to learn my assertion on every thing that occurred final week. (12:04) I share my expertise on the “Float Spot” this week that it goes with out saying that it was fairly an attention-grabbing expertise. (27:19) Then I end by giving my ideas on the tip of "The island of temptation" final Tuesday. Please learn my assertion immediately on my web site at www.RealitySteve.com.
Right here's IG Stay with Ashley Spivey from final Tuesday night time, the place I turned to my earlier writing:
I don't wish to repeat every thing I mentioned in it, however I did wish to add a number of issues concerning the horrible issues I wrote up to now on my weblog, which have since been eliminated.
To start with, once I was writing that manner, I by no means actually felt related to it. Nevertheless it labored. Individuals ate it. Sadly again then, that's what we had been doing. I discussed websites like Perez Hilton, The Soiled, D-Listed, The Superficial, and so forth. I used to be simply an extension of these, since they had been a lot greater than me. It was a part of the tradition that I used to be completely part of and contributed to. However actually, I by no means felt good about it. For a very long time, I’ve been within the course of of adjusting and shifting away from that as a result of I started to determine that I used to be not who I used to be. I didn't have to do this, and write that manner, and demean ladies to maintain the numbers on the web site. I made adjustments, stopped masking the present like that, stopped specializing in folks's seems to be, and my readership didn't change. In some seasons, it was growing. So it in actual time, once I put these issues apart, folks nonetheless learn and assist it. I didn't have to write down like a 25-year-old frat boy to get folks to learn my stuff. In the previous few years, I've fully walked away from that and also you, the viewers, had been nonetheless there. That was my "ah ha" or proverbial lightbulb second the place I spotted I didn't want to do this anymore. Then once I felt that point had handed, society had modified and I didn't have to talk that manner, so I might deal with different issues. That is how folks develop, be taught and alter as folks, with suggestions. I've been actively choosing up on that for some time. Did I harm folks within the course of? Completely. And as I discover these traits, I preserve engaged on myself extra.
These contestants are served on a silver platter to be judged on actuality reveals. If you wish to know the place it comes from, that's the place. The truth that persons are speaking about this now, I don’t deny the influence it had then, nonetheless, I don’t ignore it. I’m somebody who’s in a steady studying course of. And I take all of this very severely. I'm listening. I wish to do higher and I'm a man who desires to do issues proper.
I can solely profit from this instructing second. It opened my eyes to a different layer that I’ve to be taught from, which is that this energy dynamic that Bekah and Demi talked about final week. Name me ignorant, name me naive, it was by no means one thing I thought of with the folks on this franchise that I used to be associates and / or acquaintances with. As a result of sure, I’m nearer to some folks and discuss / textual content / Facetime than others. This energy dynamic was by no means one thing that I knowingly thought of or had on prime of anybody's head. That’s the sincere reality of God.
It is a steady studying course of for me. I’ve discovered loads about myself and my habits within the final week. I’m not good. Nor will every thing I say be good. And the start of final week's podcast was a "good" instance. In speaking about this energy dynamic that Bekah and Demi had talked about, I wanted to present myself extra time to course of what they had been saying earlier than speaking about it. And for that, I’m very sorry. All of it occurred so quick final week that it ought to have taken me longer. I want I might convey that preliminary a part of the podcast again as a result of despite the fact that I assumed I knew what level I needed to convey, the shock landed otherwise than I assumed primarily based on the response. I ought to have thought extra about it and need I might take it again. The one thought he had was that this was necessary and he needed to handle it straight away, fairly than seeming like he was ignoring it. Nevertheless it's on the market and I'm my property. I simply know that I did NOT make a laundry record of any of my associates / acquaintances from this franchise and "confronted" them by asking in the event that they had been simply associates of mine for worry that I’d write one thing unfavourable about them. I addressed my habits with them and by no means did something confrontational. I by no means deliberate to face confrontation to start with, however going again and listening to what I mentioned final week, sure, I might see the place folks thought that was what I used to be going to do. My mistake and that belongs to me.
Once I say that every thing occurred so quick final week, I wish to clarify it. Under no circumstances is that this an excuse. I don’t apologize what I informed Demi. I'm simply telling you ways / when all of it occurred and why it ought to have taken me longer to course of what occurred earlier than mindlessly opening my mouth:
-Ashley and I did our live performance from 7 to eight pm CT final Wednesday. We began a second at Eight p.m. CT and that's when folks within the feedback informed me to take a look at Demi's tweet calling me for a telephone name the place I informed her a couple of intercourse dream I had about her Eight months prior.
-We signed that second live performance round Eight: 15-Eight: 20 pm CT. I don't keep in mind the precise time, however it felt like 10-15 minutes had handed. That's once I tweeted this not even 30 minutes afterward Demi:
I had no concept on the time that that dialog made you’re feeling this manner. I apologize now understanding how uncomfortable I made you’re feeling. I crossed boundaries that I didn’t consider on the time I used to be crossing. I didn't know this till immediately. So I hope you’ll be able to settle for my apology.
– RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) April 22, 2021
Improper. Simply unsuitable. And I notice that now. After which I didn't file the beginning of final week's podcast (or Kaci's interview for that matter) till after 10:30 p.m. CT on Wednesday night time, because it went up the following morning. I undoubtedly wanted greater than 2 hours to inhale all of this earlier than talking and I ought to have taken it.
When it occurred throughout our IG Stay, I used to be completely caught off guard and needed to reply shortly, so it didn't look like she was attempting to shirk accountability or didn't care about her emotions. I don't need anybody to really feel like this. I had no concept that I did that. I'm not that sort of individual. I don’t enjoyment of somebody's discomfort, regardless of what some might imagine. Once I noticed that reflection, I didn't say, "Please inform me it's not who you assume I’m," I mentioned, "That's not me." And sadly the latter is the place I responded from. If I had taken a second, I might have mentioned that I would like to easily reply to her emotions, put mine apart, this isn’t about me, that is about her. I completely perceive it.
Demi was an acquaintance. We hadn't been speaking for a month. I don't know her deeply, she doesn't know me deeply. Which makes the dialog I had together with her much more embarrassing. 100%. However I'm not somebody who desires to make a woman or anybody else really feel uncomfortable. After they held that mirror in entrance of my face (Demi dropped this), I noticed one thing that I hadn't seen earlier than.
I can sit right here and rake my mind to present a purpose why I assumed it applicable to share that story with Demi, however it doesn't matter. It’s an ongoing course of for me right now. On the time Demi's state of affairs occurred, I used to be in a relationship. I additionally don't have a historical past of dishonest companions, going behind folks's backs, and so forth. It's not one thing I can present you with out extending interviews with all of the ex-girlfriends I've had. I'm simply being as sincere as I might be right here. The dialog with Demi, as embarrassing because it was, was not an try and get her to mattress. It was not an try to control her sexually. It was me having a "hey that's loopy" dialog with somebody who a few weeks earlier mentioned on her podcast that she thought he hated her. I instantly emailed Demi once I heard that podcast (the primary contact we had) and informed her that whereas I didn’t agree with every thing she mentioned and did on the Colton season and on Paradise, I didn’t agree with it. I hated. in no way, and I invited her to come back to my podcast to speak about it. She responded by thanking me for clarifying and reaching out and that she would observe up on that supply. Clearly that by no means occurred, nor did I proceed with hers, however now we all know why and he or she had each proper to not take part.
I actually should admit that I'm actually glad that she lastly confronted me with how I made her really feel. As a result of now I can use that to be taught from him, not solely about particular person interactions with ladies, but in addition about this energy dynamic that she delivered to gentle. I don't wish to function that manner. I by no means needed to function that manner. I by no means thought that I was working that manner. These contestants already know they’re in a fish tank by taking part on this present. To really feel like I’ve some energy over them, I don't need them to see me that manner. I don't need anybody to really feel like this. And to my data, I’ve by no means tried to train any energy over somebody to control him.
Kristina did a reside IG final week to say this:
One of many issues that I’ve discovered from this example is that, sooner or later, I cannot have any sort of private relationship with these contestants. As a result of even the instances I've tried to speak to them in a "taking good care of you" manner, serving to them keep away from catastrophe, and so forth., more often than not it backfires. I would like to attract clearer traces that these are folks I’m reporting on, not folks I’ve relationships / friendships with.
I approached contestants the identical manner I did with Kristina, the place it HAS been helpful. Nevertheless, in these moments the place I attempted to do one thing good and it backfired, I spotted that I simply have to let folks do what they will do. I don't assume I spotted how the group, with them as contestants and me as a reporter, really prevents a REAL social relationship from occurring. The ability dynamics that I’m now conscious of precludes real habits, that’s, I can't make certain if somebody actually WANTS to speak to me or not. The nice doesn’t outweigh the dangerous by way of influence. I discovered that my intention doesn’t matter. The one factor that issues is how folks felt afterwards and what they took away. I can now not function with good intentions and I hope that’s what stays.
Kristina's state of affairs is an ideal instance of that. As a result of delicate nature of what I mentioned together with her, I’ll chorus from commenting additional on what she mentioned. I reached out to her as properly after seeing this and personally apologized for a way I made her really feel.
So what am I going to do sooner or later? How will I ensure this doesn't occur once more?
I’ve been working with knowledgeable for a very long time and have been in a steady strategy of shifting away from what I used to be. I battle with my course of. Clearly. I’m a really non-public individual in the case of my private life. You understand me, I simply don't expose it an excessive amount of. Maybe it ought to have been extra of an open guide. Presumably I might have helped folks perceive me extra. However I’m not the individual right here who was victimized. I’m not the individual to take heed to. I’m not the one that has been harm. Do I wish to know that I harm another person? Completely not. So when you requested me how I really feel about this? Shitty. Horrible. Horrible. Each dangerous adjective you’ll be able to consider, I've felt this manner for the final week. Because it ought to. However that is for me to care for myself.
I imply that despite the fact that my first apology was hasty, not properly written and misinterpreted, I’ve not gotten mad at Demi or Bekah. I’ve not acted out of anger. I let this entire course of open me to a deeper understanding of what’s occurring. I admire constructive feedback, not ones that say you're a chunk of shit, a future rapist, a sexual predator, and no matter different names you’ll be able to consider. As a result of in case you are questioning that, I ask myself the identical factor. It has saved me awake at night time. As a lot as an individual saying that is what he felt is annoying, the concept there is likely to be others, unknown to me, is much more annoying.
In every thing I’ve tried to do to answer all of these items, I’ve tried to point out an open thoughts and a willingness to have this dialog to take heed to the views of the folks and other people with whom I’ve interacted. That's probably the most I can do, which is attempt to say that I wish to be taught from my previous errors.
In closing, I simply wish to say this. I’m a creating individual. I’m a piece in progress. Seeing that mirror held in entrance of me this previous week was eye-opening. There isn’t any different method to say it. I’ve a option to stroll away from anger and ignorance, or to be a person and face it. I really feel like I'm coping with it. I’ve enthusiastically opened as much as this course of. It's not straightforward to sit down again and take heed to folks criticize me with out providing solutions. I’ve no alternative however to go forward and attempt to be higher.
There will probably be some extent the place we cease speaking about this. This isn’t what you come to this web site or my podcast for, which is to listen to me engaged on my course of. Nevertheless, I would like everybody to know that the method is ongoing and ongoing. Simply because I don't discuss it in each episode, or deal with each tweet that involves me, or reply to each electronic mail despatched to me, the method is ongoing.
Personally I reached out and tried to make amends for the issues I mentioned and did. If these ladies are actually good at talking their truths which supplies them a stage of closure with this, I’m open and have been actively attempting to supply them an extra stage of closure by personally apologizing. Not in public, not on air, I reached out to allow them to know that I heard them, that their emotions are legitimate, and I’m actively attempting to benefit from their experiences and be taught from them. And that's my manner of acknowledging these circumstances, their emotions, and taking accountability for my actions. I’m attempting to enhance with this expertise. As a result of the query is at all times "How can we transfer ahead?"
We should always all ask ourselves, when as a nation we hear ladies categorical their feedback and emotions, how can we present that we consider them? They have to be given precedence. However we additionally should ask ourselves "What’s that manner ahead?" Now, how can we be taught from it? Merely speaking about them is a stage of therapeutic. The query that arises then is how can we, as a society, be taught from them and combine these tales. And that comes from the method of interacting with them, which is what I'm in search of.
I do know that I’ll by no means please everybody. And a few folks studying this immediately will dismiss it, shit on it, not consider it, and so forth. I can't fear about it. That is my reality proper now. Now I’ll higher perceive the boundaries not solely of the ladies of this franchise, however basically. I wish to use this as a studying expertise and advance higher. No alternative.
Thanks for taking the time to learn this.
Please ship all hyperlinks and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To observe me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. The identify of Instagram is Reality steveor be part of me Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. We converse subsequent week.